How to Install a Doorknob to Live a Remarkably Good Life

An Origin Story about my publication title, Read the Instructions.

This week over at

SmallStack

there is a post asking readers to engage and share about the Origin Stories of their publication names. (I encourage you to check it out, a zillion origin stories have been shared there already!)

In my very first 'Read the Instructions' post, I alluded to my publication title, but didn’t entirely explain it. So this week I’ve been challenged to think about how to communicate why I chose this publication name.

Read the Instructions

Sarcastic People are People Too

Firstly, my choice of the title Read the Instructions is nothing but smart-assery. I’ve lived a life that has been, by and large, inside out, upside down, and backwards. A few (of many) examples:

• I dropped out of high school at 15 because I was too busy living my best (translation: worst) life, yet went on to become a female leader in the highly male-dominated space industry.

• I became a mom at 17, yet graduated college with honors, earning several prestigious degrees.

• I was never the kind of little girl that dreamed about being a mother nor was I the most fuzzy, wuzzy kind of mom - but 12 years after my son was born, I adopted a 7 year old daughter whom I had no previous connection to out of the foster care system.

• I became ‘Mimi’ (grandma!) at 39 years old.

• I spent way too long as a frustrated employee trapped in an entrepreneurs body, and earlier this year finally cast off the corporate life to take a shot at doing some of my own things for awhile.

Conventionality has just never really been my jam. Clearly, I have never bothered to Read the Instructions about how I am supposed to live my life.

So naturally, that seemed like a good publication name.

Reading the Instructions: A Way of Life

But smart-assery wasn’t the only reason for my title choice.

As a woman, and growing up in the 80s, I lived in a world that led me to believe that perfection was the only way. Even in my tumultuous teenage years I went all out; if I was gonna be the worst… I was going allll in, no half-assing for me.

As an engineer, I struggled to trust myself. I definitely Read the Instructions on everything. I doubted my abilities, I doubted by intuition, I doubted my experience and skills. I double and triple checked every single thing I did.

Generally and historically speaking, men are raised in ways that celebrate effort. They are taught that failure is a natural step towards inevitable success, and they live in a world where they are given many chances.

Women are often not afforded these luxuries. I, like many other women, had to work hard to learn to trust and believe in myself and learn that mistakes weren’t actually the worst things that could happen.

Even in my personal life I would Read the Instructions for every little thing. Could I set up my WiFi? Could I fix my air conditioner? Yes and yes, but only if I carefully Read the Instructions.

Could I find a partner? Yes, but only if I adhered to a very strict list of must-haves and must-not-haves, and even with those I still doubted my own judgement.

In many cases it was almost as if I had so little faith in my own abilities, even in my own likes and dislikes, that I’d turn off my own brain in favor of reading someone else’s instructions.

But in time, this has changed for me. I learned that I actually did know what the hell I was doing at work. I learned that I was damn good at what I did. I learned that I could trust my abilities and my judgement just as much, if not more, than others’.

I Promised You a Doorknob

Yesterday, I was swapping out a doorknob on the basement door. I was pondering about writing this article in the back of my mind at the same time. I was about halfway through when I realized that it had never even occurred to me to Read the Instructions that were included in the box with the new doorknob.

Hmm maybe I should’ve cleaned the door while I was at it.

Now, I’m well aware that installing a doorknob isn’t rocket science, but old me would have Read the Instructions, regardless, to be sure I wasn’t missing anything and to ensure I would do it exactly right, the first time.

New me has built a life where I allow myself to actually enjoy the process of figuring things out. Where I don’t view ‘doing it perfectly right the first time’ as the ultimate sign of achievement.

A small number of you may have noticed that in the image above… I installed the latch assembly (the part with the little thingy that engages with the doorframe) backwards. I finished the install and even tested the key before I closed the door and realized my mistake.

But guess what? I didn’t take that as a sign that I’m not qualified to install doorknobs. I didn’t attach that to any other number of mistakes I’ve made in life and draw a conclusion that I just never do anything right. I didn’t feel like a failure. And believe it or not, no one died.

Instead, I uninstalled the doorknob and re-did it the right way.

You know what else? No one cares. No one will use that doorknob and think… ‘Wow, this was clearly done wrong the first time. This would be so much better if no one made any mistakes while installing it.’

My new doorknob, yay. With a bonus sneak peek at my drainage ditch project (hey, digging that hole was a b*tch, it deserves to be seen.)

People who have worked with or for me will laugh at this post because in the workplace I’m still one of the strongest proponents of Reading the Instructions! I do believe we have a responsibility to our employers to minimize expensive re-do’s and that following technical best practices is the least we can do towards efforts to meet quality, cost, and schedule objectives.

But that’s different. There is a time and a place for such things.

In life… I’d rather value my own mind, trust myself, make mistakes, try new things, fall in love, and live.

~ Rose 🌹

Photo by Tirza van Dijk on Unsplash