Bottom Line: Women are Strong and Smart as Hell
Happy International Women In Engineering Day, 2024
Men, take a moment and go down an imaginary road with me?
It’s gonna be a shi^ty road, but c’mon, in honor of International Women in Engineering day - hang in there for a quick few minutes, ok?
« CAUTION: Sexual assault topics to follow »
Ok men, here we go.
First, imagine that as you were growing up you were sexually assaulted multiple times. Several times while you were a minor, and let’s say several more times between say 18-23.
Now, imagine that all of those assaults were perpetuated against you by women.
Stay with me here, men. It’s not even real, this is pretend - you can do it.
What happened really sucks, but you want to move on with life. You go to therapy, do everything you can to work through these assaults. But, imagine, that you are - human. Which means that no matter how hard you work to heal - it will take years to fully sort through these traumatic events.
Ok, so now you are 23. You get your first real job after college!
You are so excited! But then, hm, interesting. You realize that you are the only man on your huge team. You work with all women. You see one other man, but he works in another department.
Your manager is a woman. Your manager’s manager is a woman. All of your co-workers are women. Whether you get a promotion or a pay raise will be decided by a team of women.
Keep imagining, men. Almost there.
The women plan regular social events for drinks and dinner but rarely invite you.
You walk up on the senior leadership team of women making jokes about men in porn. Hell, they don’t even try to hide it and they make sexual jokes about men in porn on public work forums. You overhear the women planning to go out to a men’s strip club a few times. Sometimes the women ask you inappropriate personal questions. They wear T-shirts that depict scantily clad men in sexualized poses.
You will need to be friendly and helpful and make all of the women around you feel comfortable at all times, regardless of if you will be singled out and often made to feel uncomfortable around them.
I hope that you remembered to imagine that during all of this you need to be focused and working hard on learning and doing your job!
You’ll do your best but the women will be quick to point out the ways that you work differently from them, and how those ways of working are not acceptable and that you should think and work exactly like them even though it feels completely unnatural to you.
But stay focused, you can do it. Your work is stellar, so now all you have to do is figure out how to keep all the women extra happy (maybe try acting more like a woman?) so that someone will notice and give you a chance at growing in your career.
You got this.
Does this sound like hell, men? If not, you weren’t paying attention. Go back and read it again.
The Numbers
Did you know that according to the CDC1, 1 in 4 women have experienced completed or attempted rape? And that half of female rape survivors experienced the assault as a minor, before the age of 18. (In case you are wondering, the CDC reports that 1 in 26 men have experienced completed or attempted rape.)
According to Cal Poly2 99% of sexual assault perpetrators are male. Did you catch that? Ninety-nine percent.
Women that are members of some minority ethnic groups, and women who are members of the LGBQTIA+ community (especially transgender women) are at even higher risk of being sexually assaulted3
There are many different sources reporting slightly different statistics, but they all agree that sexual assault disproportionately impacts women.
The Reality
So why this dark theme on International Women in Engineering Day?
Because if you work in Engineering or any other male dominated field, or have any connection to someone who works in a male dominated field - I want you to sit in the reality that 1 in 4 of the few women in that environment are likely to be sexual assault survivors.
Moreso, I want you to think about how poor work culture and a skewed power dynamic created by the imbalance of a male dominated work environment has the potential to exacerbate what those women may already have experienced.
You may be thinking, the women I work with have never mentioned anything like that? That may be true for some, but not the ones I know. Most likely, you will never hear about this. Women in many environments know things are likely to get worse for them if they speak up.
Int’l Women in Engineering Day, 2024
Men, this year, instead of wishing women a Happy International Women in Engineering Day to seem like the nice guy, or the thoughtful guy, or to make your company appear to embrace diversity - say it with a spirit of respect.
Say it with a crystal clear understanding that days like this don’t exist because women are worse at math or science or technology than men - such that women need you to coddle their egos for being one of the smart ones. Um, no.
These days exist because if women have made it to become an engineer, it is statistically likely they have done it alongside being survivors of sexual assault.
In other words - despite surviving you, men - many of your female colleagues completed their higher education and gained years of hard won professional experience. And here they are, working on their careers - just like you.
Men, we don’t need you to be heroes. We only need you to stop pretending you don’t realize that many women have climbed significantly steeper mountains than you have to arrive at the same place.
Take the effort to make genuine space for women, men. Seriously, it’s not that hard.
Ladies, I know many of you will feel this deeply - but will be afraid to ‘like’ it. That’s ok, I get it.
Happy International Women in Engineering Day.
~ Rose 🌹
https://www.cdc.gov/sexual-violence/about/
https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics#:~:text=An%20estimated%2091%25%20of%20victims,99%25%20of%20perpetrators%20are%20male.
https://www.charliehealth.com/post/sexual-assault-statistics
Great writing once again Rose. Thank you for showing up with such an authenticity. I want everybody to feel safe in this world, welcome and accepted as well.
I might not have five through all of this but I shall admit a lot of this is familiar to me.
Yet, I don't wish about these experiences because it's immediately turned against me as of, by having a penis I had deserved it.
Or by being white I deserved to be beaten by black people and so on.
It seems stupid to me as we could create more connection and work together but it seems like most of the prior are more interested in fighting against them working with each other.
You paint a good picture, and it does sound awful. However, the talking down happens to men, too. And it's not acceptable for us to talk about it.
Edit: If a man wrote a post in a similar tone to all the women who just "wouldn't get it," he would have a comment section full of "misogynist."
Edit Edit: In this case, actually, it would be right, because the tone is very clearly giving an impression that men are too stupid or mean to listen to it.
4: I don't mean to discount the obvious trauma and discomfort that is in here, and even perhaps the reactive resentment, which is natural. I just wanted to throw in there that it may be an indication back to some women of what men go through that a very hostile and condescending tone towards them is totally acceptable.